Dear Spurs Fans
We, the people of Cameroon have been aware of your football club and it’s swashbuckling ways, for many a year now. You play football in the right manner and in a spirit that resonates with the people of our country. Why win 2-1 when you can draw 4-4, eh?
In particular, Tottenham Hotspur Football Club is particularly dear to us for the way that it took Timothee Atouba under it’s wing. The boy is a wayward soul and we appreciate that you let him dribble around in your own penalty area for that one season.
As you will all know, two of your current players are Cameroonian – Benoit Assou-Ekotto and Sebastien Bassong. Both have represented our international football team, which you fans have been very supportive of (especially considering that you all thought that these players were actually French when you signed them).
The African Nations Cup will soon be upon us and it had been expected that both of Tottenham’s Cameroonian stars would represent our country. However, it has come to our attention that in losing these players for the month of January, your defence at Tottenham would be thrown into disarray. We’ve even heard talk that your club is considering making a transfer move for Matthew Upson and we can understand that absolutely nobody wants that to happen.
So, as it is Christmas, we have decided to give the fans of Tottenham a present. We will only take Assou-Ekotto to the African Nations Cup and will allow you to keep Sebastien Bassong. We’ve decided that you need him more than we do – especially when you consider that we have players of the quality of Rigobert Song and Andre Bikey to call upon.
We promise to keep good care of Benoit during January and hope that you appreciate this act of goodwill. No signing that Matthew Upson as soon as our backs are turned!
Merry Christmas To All Spurs Fans Everywhere
Signed, The People Of Cameroon