As the minute hand of the transfer deadline clock clicks away, it looks as though we might again have left things too late and will be left disappointed when the window closes.

This has been a familiar feeling over the years, as our chairman Daniel Levy attempts to buy players for the least amount of money possible. You can argue over the merits of this tactic, but it certainly annoys some Spurs fans. In fact, one has become so disillusioned that he has gone to the effort to amend the Wikipedia page for ‘Brinkmanship’, to include a reference to Daniel Levy (it wasn’t me). It’s now been taken down by the moderators, but I managed to grab this before they cleaned things up:

For anyone that’s ever seen Tim Lovejoy on television, heard him on the radio, or read his work, it’s patently obvious that he knows absolutely nothing about football.

This isn’t a crime in itself, unless you’ve been coining a living off the back of the beautiful game for many years. Tim Lovejoy is the sort of nouveau football supporter who stands out as clueless even amongst Chelsea’s band of ‘devotees’.

If you want evidence, check out this entry from Lovejoy’s Twitter feed, that appeared during the recent Champions League draw. It’s not the most uneducated thing that anyone’s ever said about football, but it’s quite probably the most stupid thing written by someone who has presented 6-0-6.

TehTrunk started these Spurs animations and now everyone’s in on the act. This conversation is all too familiar…

It’s very difficult to give up on fame, which is why it’s no surprise that Paul the Octopus is now ready to turn his powers of prediction towards club football.

For his first prediction, Paul has turned his tentacles in the direction of the power struggle in North London and the results will put a smile on the face of any Spurs fan.

Come on you Spurs!

Hi Spurs fans!

Congratulations on Tottenham Hotspur becoming the latest member of The Big Four! As you will know, we are very rarely open to new members, but now that Liverpool haven’t got any money these days, we thought that Spurs would make a perfect replacement.

We’ve got no doubt that you’re very proud to finally be supporting one of the major teams, but you’re probably wondering… exactly what benefits can I expect now that Tottenham are a member of The Big Four?

Here’s the lowdown:

• Exclusive biased commentary in Spurs’ favour, whenever you’re playing a non-big four team. Marvel as the likes of Andy Gray, Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson take your club seriously, while Ian Darke might even learn to pronounce Aaron Lennon’s name properly. *
• Never again have to write the words ‘the big four’ in inverted commas, because you’re slightly nauseated by the mere concept of this separatist group. You are now actually a member of the big four! So get over your old prejudices and join in the fun!
• Ever felt slightly underwhelmed when Tottenham faced the likes of Arsenal and Chelsea? Sometimes those games could seem pretty dull and unimportant to you, we guess. Well no more, as these matches will now be part of Sky Sports’ Grand Slam Super Dooper Sunday! You’ve never known how important a game could be until it’s advertised on Sky approximately 437 times a day.
• Shops on Oxford Street selling random crap to foreign tourists will now be selling random Tottenham crap to foreign tourists.
• The ability to be patronising to supporters of non-big four teams, is now yours! Openly talk about which of their players you’d like to sign as if your club has got some sort of God-given right to cherry pick their stars – because as a big four member, that’s exactly what you’ve now got! **
• Finally, you get to play Champions League football! Hear that music in the flesh, that you’d only normally hear if you switch over from The One Show early enough. Experience the thrill of beating teams that are probably worse than Bolton, before getting absolutely dicked on by Barcelona.

We hope that you enjoy being a supporter of a big four club and make full use of your membership privileges.

See you next season!

From the EPL, Rupert Murdoch and all at Sky Sports

Terms and conditions:

Membership given on a temporary basis and subject to being completely blown out the water by Manchester City next season.

* Biased commentary not applicable against the other members of the big four AKA The Big Three.

** Tottenham will still be the subject of cherry picking chat from supporters of Manchester United and Chelsea and may well receive official bids for players from clubs that can guarantee non-qualification based Champions League football.

Last week I published a list of professional lookalikes who eke a living from impersonating Spurs players. Most of you completely missed the point and started naming celebrities that look like Tottenham players. Well don’t ever say that I can’t take a hint…

Here is the Spurs lookalike XI.

Goalkeeper

Heurelho Gomes AKA He Pingping

He Pingping sadly died last month, but he will always be remembered as the world’s shortest man and as a doppelganger for our Brazilian goalkeeper.

Right Back

Vedran Corluka AKA Goran Visnjic

Vedran Corluka doesn’t half look like his fellow Croatian Goran Visnjic of ER fame. I would have half a mind to believe that all Croatians were blessed with this look of dark, brooding intensity, if our own Luka Modric wasn’t such an obvious exception to the rule.

Left Back

Benoit Assou-Ekotto AKA Felicia ‘Snoop’ Pearson

Stephen King named The Wire’s Snoop, as “perhaps the most terrifying female villain to ever appear in a television series.” TottenhamBlog is still awaiting a quote from the horror writer, to find out what his take on BAE is.

Centre Back

Ledley King AKA Charles N’Zogbia

Was it our own Ledders that took Charles N’Zogbia’s driving test for him? Well we all know that he doesn’t have much to do during the week.

Centre Back

Jonathan Woodgate AKA Corrie’s Steve McDonald

OK, so the hair is pretty different, but if you were casting ‘The Jonathan Woodgate Story’ and were looking for someone to pull off the pasty-faced looks of our injured defender, then you couldn’t go far wrong with giving a call to the man with the most over-expressive face on TV.

Central Midfield

Younes Kaboul AKA Laurence Fishburne

Kaboul is a dead-ringer for Laurence Fishburne, who might actually be a better option in central midfield.

Centre Midfield

Jermaine Jenas AKA Rich Boy

Everyone’s favourite Spur is a solid lookalike for Rich Boy. No, that’s not the latest nickname for David Cameron, but the wacky name of some rapper bloke.

Right Midfield

Luka Modric AKA Journey’s Steve Perry

So spoiled for choice here. Do you go for Jay from Inbetweeners, Meryl Streep, Peggy from Mad Men, Tom Petty, the witch from Chorlton and the Wheelies or Gail from Coronation Street? Journey’s Steve Perry gets the eventual nod, as I try to jump upon the bandwagon of their renewed popularity.

Left Midfield

Gareth Bale AKA Sid from Toy Story

It would be easy to slap a picture of one of the PG Tips chimps here and be done with it, but luckily the similarities between Gareth Bale and Sid the sociopath kid from Toy Story, make it unnecessary to resort to cliches.

Striker

Eidur Gudjohnsen AKA Paul Bettany

Paul Bettany owes his Eidur Gudjohnsen-esque looks to the fact that he is ginger and therefore is forced to dye his hair blond if he’s to get leading roles.

Striker

Roman Pavlyuchenko AKA Cameron Diaz

This one needs a side by side comparison to make the point, but now that you’ve seen this shocking similarity, it’s unlikely that you’ll ever be able to watch There’s Something About Mary with your trousers round your ankles again.

Manager

Harry Redknapp AKA Droopy

Droopy not only sports the requisite droopy features to qualify as a Harry lookalike, but also a shock of red hair.

I’m allergic to cats and with this pain breeding hatred, I’m somewhat immune to the lure of funny cat videos that seem to dominate much of the internet.

However, I did quite like this one, which shows that it’s not just humans in North London who were astonished by Danny Rose’s brilliant goal against Arsenal.

A few years back there was a real craze for Prostars – AKA those little football figures with massive heads.

To cheer us all up after Sunday, I’ve rounded up ten figures of former Spurs players. Your task is to let us know who’s who.

10. An Easy One To Start You Off

9. The Lead Singer From Londonbeat

8. Ian Beale’s Wife

7. Proof That The Later Prostar Figures Actually Looked Like The Players

6. Annie Lennox

5. Garden Gnome With A Mullet

4. The Ronald Reagan Mask From Point Break

3. Judging By The Lips I Think This May Be Al Jolson

2. Al Pacino In Carlito’s Way

1. Jo From S Club 7

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We bring you more exclusive content from inside the secretive world of Spursbook, where Jermain Defoe finds that he’s not the only player in the Tottenham dressing room that hates being injured.

Hot on the heels of our exclusive evidence that Tom Huddlestone regrets signing his new 5 year contract, our undercover reporters have unearthed another fascinating online conversation on the social networking site Spurspook.

Yesterday, Adel Taarabt was busy telling all and sundry that he wishes he’d joined Arsenal. Our players weren’t shy in telling him what they thought.