Though currently situated in third place, I have no chance of winning the Fantasy Premier League that I contest with my friends and several people that they know, but who I’ve never met.

The reason is simple. For moral reasons I do not allow players from either Arsenal, Chelsea or West Ham in my side. In the case of West Ham, not picking their players is a recommended tactic anyway, but to not be able to choose from Arsenal and Chelsea puts you at a severe disadvantage.

This is because Fabregas and Lampard have scored loads of points this season and to not have at least one of them in your side is suicide. Still, I’d take principled suicide over compromised victory any day.

At the top of our league is an Arsenal fan (which is the only league they’ll be winning this year), whilst in second place is a Spurs fan, who currently has Arshavin in his team and has previously fielded such disgusting individuals as Van Persie, Lampard and Fabregas.

Now how can you have any of those players in your fantasy side and not be at least slightly pleased when they score or set up a goal? Surely there is no room for such split loyalties. If Tottenham lose 3-0 to Chelsea I want to be gutted, not thinking to myself ‘Well look on the bright side, at least Chelsea didn’t concede’.

On the official Fantasy Premier League game, there is a facility for each player to name the team that they support. You can then look at the overall league table for fans of a particular club.

The top of the Tottenham supporters league table, makes for sorry reading. These fans have risen to the top on the back of ill gotten gains, with their sides packed to the rafters with players from our hated rivals. Read and weep at the hall of shame.

Team name – Manager – Current Scum Quota

Spoofers – Paul Griffin – 6 (Tomkins, Fabregas, Lampard, Ballack, Drogba, Diaby)

Obi Wan Kenobi Nil – Nicholas Neophytou – 3 (Ashley Cole, Lampard, Ballack)

Holy Divers – Timo Partanen – 4 (Ashley Cole, Lampard, Fabregas, Drogba)

Ellabella – Mark Tomassi – 3 (Ashley Cole, Lampard, Fabregas)

De Scherprechter – R.A. van Hilst – 4 (Green, Terry, Upson, Lampard)

And that’s just the top five, although a special mention must go out to the thirty eighth placed Gary Bettridge, whose promisingly titled team ‘I Hate Arsenal’ had Fabregas in central midfield. You don’t hate them that much then, do you Gary?

I thought that I’d trawl through the league to find the top ranked team without any Arsenal/Chelsea/West Ham, but it quickly became apparent (well, after looking at around 60 teams) that I might well be there all day.

It seems that winning is all that matters to these people, but I’m going to stick with my Athletic Bibao-like principles. It may get me nowhere, but it at least allows me to feel smug. I leave you with one last effort to turn some of you fantasy traitors, into fantasy militants. The words of our former esteemed captain, Danny Blanchflower:

“The great fallacy is that the game is first and last about winning. It is nothing of the kind. The game is about glory.”*

* This quote has been doctored somewhat to fit in with my general point, but I’m sure Danny would agree with me.



  1. you numpty!

    it ‘fantasy’ football – clue is the name.
    the disgusting individuals as Van Persie, Lampard and Fabregas… are merely pixels on a screen.

    Surely there’s enough hatred going in real life

  2. Bloke is a comple cock, his opening statement he is 3rd with no chance of winning…..there is a clue there somewhere, its people like him who gives Spurs fans a bad name, he will be one of the people who think that because they do that it means they are more of a fan……I have got Drogba in my DT and am 3rd, if I win it thanks to his goals I will be well gutted!

  3. I don’t believe he is serious , and i found it a funny, yes too much time, but carry on…. i had a good giggle….
    Oh by the way i pic who evevr might get the points… arsenal, chelsea or who ever, but im the kiss of death .. oh and also im third as well and thats my best showing…

  4. call me old school, but i’m with him. gooners score well, you get point, have a guilty pleasure… go to confession, 10 hail mary’s and 5 our father’s! thought of it disgusts me. shame on those gooner / chelski pleasure seekers.

  5. In the SKY fantasy league I’ve restricted my choices to ex-Spurs only. Unsurprisingly I’m currently propping up the table.

  6. Why am I the only one here who is leaning towards agreeing with the writer? I’m a Spurs fan but not die-hard (in that I believe “it’s only a game”), yet I wouldn’t have any Ars*nal players in my team!

  7. As the 2nd placed spurs fan referenced in the article I have to admit a tinge of regret that I am forced to select gooners, chelski and spammer players but my other private league offers a prize of £300 which I am bang on target for. In these recessionary times cold hard cash gets my vote although I do expect a stint in hell for my troubles.

    Feel free to continue the barrage of abuse at Mr Spursblog though as makes good viewing although imagine many of you might want to develop a sense of humour before posting again 😉

  8. The guy is only having a laugh if you haven’t got anything nice to say then clear off, I once had lampost in my team got me lots of points but it felt like ill-gotten gains but it is also a way of hedging your disappointment.

  9. I have a self-imposed ban on Arsenal, but not Chelsea or the Spammers. I’m doing OKish in my leagues; I think van Persie getting knacked has a lot to do with that.

    Coincidentally I’m also running a Spurs fans league; I’m tempted to add a prize for the top scorer with no Arsenal players used at the end of the season.

    • Traore was a case of mistaken identity. I wrote to the Fantasy League to see if they would remove the points that he scored for me, but they couldn’t do it.


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