There are many mysteries in life. What lurks beneath the waters at Loch Ness? What happened to the crew of the Mary Celeste? How does Chris Kamara get TV work?

Surely though, no mystery is quite so unsolvable as this one: how did Peter Crouch manage to pull Abbey Clancy?

Clancy has just been named at number ten, on FHM’s list of the world’s sexiest women. So how did she end up with someone that gets the word ‘freak’ screamed at him, during every away match he plays?

The fact that Peter Crouch is a footballer and therefore minted, is not an explanation. There are many footballers out there who earn as much or more that Crouch, yet don’t look nearly so goofy.

Does she have simply a thing for blokes that are incredibly tall and thin? I don’t think so. When she and Crouch briefly split up in 2006, she started going out with Jason Statham, who is hardly a dead-ringer for Crouchie.

I can only conclude then that Abbey Clancy is that rare thing; a WAG that has actually based her choice of partner on the fact that he is a nice bloke. Cheryl Cole take note.

Now I’m sure that many of you are by now thinking that this article is entirely pointless. Allow me to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat by providing a couple of pictures of Abbey in which she isn’t wearing many clothes.

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30 COMMENTS

  1. Steve if he scores the winner to get us to the promise land and we can tell Fergie to fuck off he can have my eight inches to graft on his four then he would have twelve bloody hell that was good adding up. coys

  2. Perhaps women actually look for other things in a man, a sense of humour and genuineness for instance.Alot of women are turned off by the kind of vain beefcake type of bloke men seem to think they like.He’s also more intelligent than the average footballer.
    Its a no brainer really

  3. Money & fame

    Take them away and the likes of Crouch, Ashley Cole, John Terry and Steven Gerrard have no women around them

  4. It’s not widely known but they are actually brother and
    sister……..which makes pefect sense as you Yids love
    to keep it in the family!!

  5. More to the point: How did Abbey Clancy get voted the tenth sexiest woman?

    I’ve always thought that British footballers settle for sub par woman, compared to some of the truly gorgeous woman courted by their European counterparts.

    Abbey Clancy aint that fit.
    Cheryl Cole aint that fit..

    Have some self respect people.

  6. Jones…Sounds like your confusin yer life with Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs! Quick…someone throw that man a Lager and copy of Nuts!

  7. Oh jones oh jones you daft c-nt – why would you say something like that on here? In the future, remember that kind of talk is for women you want to impale. Its not for beer drinking football fans. And Mark “7 Dwarfs” comment – your also a special needs child with a comment like that. Its your not yer you inbread council estate boy.

    Jesus

  8. Crouch was asked what would you be if you wasn’t a Premiership footballer? He is reputed to have said: A VIRGIN! Money & more importantly sometimes fame is too much of a lure for the fairer sex! Good luck on Crouchy he deserves a sort.

  9. Is this article for real? He is a PL and England Footballer on £4m odd a year – doh!!! Is Danielle Lloyd with O’Hara for his stunning good looks and amazing intellect! Those two are suited in the intellect or lack of department mind. But seriously what a pointless blog

  10. What FHM deem sexiest women is based on models, wags, actresses and singers etc… Yeah she’s great looking but i see girls every day who i find just as ‘sexy’ of not more. It’s just an extension of this rubbish celeb culture we have heaped on us every day!! As for how did Crouchy pull her? That’s between the pair of them… The bloke looks as if he’s got something between his ears which makes a change these days. But really… WHO CARES!!!

    Whatever happende to things like Felicity Kendal winning ‘Rear Of The Year’? Those were the days…

  11. Jones the 2nd April 30, 2010 at 12:48 pm
    Oh jones oh jones you daft c-nt – why would you say something like that on here? In the future, remember that kind of talk is for women you want to impale. Its not for beer drinking football fans. And Mark “7 Dwarfs” comment – your also a special needs child with a comment like that. Its your not yer you inbread council estate boy.

    Jesus

    Reply

    Its inBRED you silly prick

    and fair play jones, the rest of these lot seem to think to be a man you have to be a twat…

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